Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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