OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize