Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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