Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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