if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
