did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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