strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
