Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
