But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He passed out mid-signature
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
