I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
