his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize