At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
