dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you didnt know i had herpes?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
