I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
