Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
