id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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