butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
