Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You were trust falling into bushes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
