i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am midnight drunk by noon
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
