I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize