My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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