At least make sure they are 18
Why
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
