My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
