If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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