I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
