dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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