They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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