tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
