You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
