Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
