i wish my penis had a tongue
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
