Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
