so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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