i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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