Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
