Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize