Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
