She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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