Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
