my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
