It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
