Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
