Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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