: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
