She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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