ugly people sure do ruin things
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize
