He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
