The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
