My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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