i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
