Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Panties = found
Randomize
