...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
