I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
