I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
