my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
