If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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