Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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