i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
