I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
