Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's never too late to be topless.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize