I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
