the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize