dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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