im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
