With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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